As we grow up in Christ we learn that love is selfless. We learn that less self in our motives equals more love in our actions. We come to know that love does not consider its own rights, is not proud, nor does it get offended. We learn that if we can walk in love, our entire life will change—and that if only a few more of us walked in love, the entire world would change. Love begins when we purpose to be the first to lay down our rights, our selfish motives, and our pride. Love requires each one of us to lay down our lives. 

We also learn as we walk the path of love, that as soon as we take the first step, we are immediately tested! Sometimes the people who test us the most are those we love the most. They seem to know how best to get under our skin. And we want to be valued and respected most by those closest to us—certainly more than people we don’t know so well or care so deeply about. As we grow in love, we find that we must lay down our lives—and our pride—most completely in our own homes. When we are “at home” we tend to let down our guard and fall into old, childish patterns of selfishness. Our true level of maturity is revealed where our inner child is most likely to appear—around the hearth.

Perhaps we need to protect our hearths as much as we do our hearts! In Proverbs 4:23 we are told to “guard your heart above all else for it determines the course of your life (nlt). I like how The Message puts it:

After we are told to keep watch over our heart, the very next statement tells us how: avoid careless banter, white lies, and gossip. They are heart issues. And where we need to watch ourselves most is when relaxing in the comfort and familiarity of our homes—around our own hearths. Imagine if everything you said in the privacy of your home determined the course of your life! Practice being disciplined with your thoughts and words on the home front and it will be much easier to think and speak lovingly at church and on the job. Develop the habit of speaking kindly and you will find that falling into the “pride of life” in other areas will become less of a habit.

The reason some people have such a hard time forgiving others is because they have grown accustomed to slipping into the pride of life. They have learned to put on the pride of life instead of putting on love. Their minds say, “I can’t believe they did that to me after all I have done for them.” Forgiveness is a fruit of love, and like love, it grows through cultivating holiness in our hearts—wholesome habits of the heart. We must constantly prune away the negative tendencies or our minds—taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (see 2 Corinthians 10:5).

Let me say it this way: forgiveness is not a matter of desire; it is a matter of obedience. I may desire to be obedient to God’s will because I want to walk in the favor of God, but it is still a choice of my will and not a matter of how I feel. I don’t forgive you because I want to; I forgive you so God will forgive me. I forgive you so I can walk in love because I know love heals, love restores, love brings life. If I can’t forgive, I will never learn to love unconditionally—I will never learn to truly love and get along with myself. That’s the crux of it right there. Sometimes loving others is simply a matter of loving and forgiving our own selves. 

We work against ourselves when we are caught up in pride. Pride is not only divisive interpersonally, but intra-personally as well. When I am ruled by pride, my heart is divided. Does my heart belong to God or my self-will? Am I acting in God’s interest or my own? A house divided will not stand. There is no room for love when pride is present. Pride pushes out all love. Pride will blind you from the truth. Pride will keep you from seeing, let alone admitting, that you are wrong. When was the last time you told someone you were sorry? When was the last time you asked for forgiveness?

Pride will isolate you. Pride will cause you to withdraw until you find yourself trapped in a jail of self-pity. Set yourself free from that prison by expressing love. How can you love yourself if you can’t show some love to other people? Pride will cause you to run from the people you need the most. It’s no wonder that God hates pride so much. Pride is the parent of strife, bitterness and unforgiveness. So when we choose to walk in love, it ends up being in our own best interest. When we walk in strife and division, it steals our health as well as our happiness.
The Secret to Happiness: Getting Along

When we walk in love it gives God the opportunity to move in our lives. How many know that life isn’t very much fun if you’re not getting along with others? Former President Teddy Roosevelt believed it was the secret to happiness. Most of us know that if you’re hard to get along with, you won’t have a very happy life.

That’s why Paul told us to pursue peace—in pursuing peace we find joy and contentment. Pursuing peace is also how we honor God. When we pursue strife and division we are honoring the prince of chaos and deception and dishonoring God. Strife is of the flesh, and love is of the spirit of Jesus Christ. The reason you keep gossiping about somebody at work is because you’re letting your flesh rule you. The reason you keep talking about the things that somebody did to you is because you still haven’t let it go—you have not let love rule in your heart. 

There’s something about pride that causes us to talk about others behind their back. Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged” (Matthew 7:1 esv). Someone may have even asked you to forgive them, but you won’t let it go because your pride won’t let it go. It’s pride that’s keeping your marriage from being healed. It’s unforgiveness that’s stopping the flow of love in your life. It’s stopping your miracle. It’s stopping your breakthrough, and you’ll never be happy until you just let it go. If you want God to use your life for His glory, you have to humble yourself. You have to lower yourself so He can raise you up. God can’t bless anybody that’s high and mighty. You have to get down so He can raise you up.

Before you gave your life to the Lord, you could not forgive people that hurt you, but now that the Greater One lives inside you, you have the strength to forgive and you have the strength to overlook every offense in your life. When you are leaning on the Lord, you can forgive. When you are leaning on the Lord, you can let it go. When you are leaning on the Lord, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

Love is all that really matters. We need to steer clear of religious legalism. People get so confused about what is righteous. The Bible says that God is love. Jesus said that love fulfills all of the law. He said, “If you’ve seen Me, you’ve seen the Father” (John 14:9). You’ve seen that God’s not trying to knock you in the head; He’s trying to help you because He loves you. If He loved you when you were ignorant of His love, how much more will He love you when you receive His love and openly love Him in return? There will always be an absence of love in this world and that is why the Lord came into it—to bring light, love, and healing. The truth of the matter is love will heal you faster than anything in your life.  

Perhaps that is why God commands us to focus on love. Love is our best hope for healing our hearts, our communities, and our nation. God wants us to learn to care more about others than we do ourselves. We must discipline our flesh to walk in love like we discipline our minds to learn. We must exercise our love like we do our muscles. While the flesh wants to get even, love lets others get ahead. Love lets traffic get in front of you. Love surrenders the parking space. Love picks up the neighbor’s trash who ran over your petunias. 

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